The delightful Aoife Stuart, Deputy Editor of Cosmopolitan Middle East recently interviewed me for the launch issue. In the interview, Aoife asks what the ten most common relationship dreams are, and what they actually mean.
Aoife’s questions reflect common misconceptions about the meaning of these dreams as it can be tempting to take the dream message too literally, rather than looking at the unconscious psychological patterns that the dreams actually reveal.
1. Falling or sinking
For a girl in a relationship, could this mean she is not getting support from her partner? For a single girl, could it be seen as a sign she’s craving some stability i.e. a committed relationship in her life?
No, falling dreams are most often about control issues and perceived failure in waking life. The girl may feel like she has set herself impossibly high standards and feels like a failure if she can’t achieve them. Rather than exploring mutual needs with her partner, she may try to over control the situation to ensure that nothing ever goes wrong. The message from the dream is to release herself from some of her responsibilities and take a more relaxed approach to her relationship. The falling that results from this will be the partners falling more deeply in love with each other.
2. Being naked
Could this be a sign that you have ‘overexposed’ yourself in your relationship i.e shared too much too soon?
Sometimes, but it is usually more about self expression. This dream is often experienced by people who are entering a new relationship where they feel that they lack confidence in their own abilities. Clothes form a protective barrier that help you to conceal your true self when dealing with other people. The more you cover yourself up with a lover, however, the more difficult it is to display your unique identity. The message from the dream is that in intimate situations, the best way to truly express who you really are is just to open up and be your authentic self.
3. Bad or missing teeth
Could this signal an insecurity about your looks? i.e. you feel you’re not good looking enough for your partner? If you are single, perhaps it could signal a fear of being found unattractive?
No. Teeth are all about power and confidence. We all experience our teeth actually falling out when we lose our baby teeth as children. As a child, this can cause us to lose confidence and when we experience this powerlessness again in waking life, we often dream that our teeth are falling out. You show your teeth when you smile and when you bite, and so they often reflect how self assured and assertive you are feeling. The message from the dream is that confidence is the greatest aphrodisiac and the more confident you make yourself feel, the more attractive you will be to others.
4. Being chased
Could this be a sign that you are feeling threatened in your relationship?
It could be, although it usually suggests that some activity in the dreamer’s waking life outside the relationship is affecting the relationship itself. We still term any activity that is meaningful for us in waking life as a pursuit. For example, pursuing a particular career path may be taking up a lot of the dreamer’s time and creating time pressure tensions in the relationship. The message from the dream is that whatever is chasing the dreamer is always some aspect of her own self and is actually bringing the dreamer’s attention to her own unrealised powers and talents in her own pursuit of fulfilment.
5. Failing a test
Could this is a sign that you are with the wrong guy? Or a projection of feelings of inadequacy?
No, this is all about the dreamer’s self-critical view of her own self. Dreaming of failing a test often indicates that the dreamer is critically examining her own performance in waking life. She has set herself some high standards she thinks she need to achieve in order to be truly appreciated by her lover. However, if she feels that she is not managing to live up to these standards, then she will feel as if she has failed in some way. The message from the dream is that she is judging herself too harshly and needs to accept and celebrate her own talents and attractiveness.
6. Missing a bus
Could this be a sign that you are in turmoil over a past lover or ‘the one that got away’ ?
No, this is more about taking action instead of just hanging around, waiting for perfection to arrive. Dreaming of missing a bus indicates you are becoming anxious that your plans are not bringing you the fulfilment in daily life that you hoped they would. The dreamer has probably set some sort of a timetable for achieving her relationship plans and is frustrated that things aren’t running to schedule as she hoped they would. The message from this dream is that she needs to take a more focused and active role in waking life, rather than just trying to appear busy and passively relying on others.
7. Being trapped
Could this be an indication that you feel trapped in your relationship?
No, it usually indicates that dreamer is afraid to take responsibility for her own freedom and actions. Although she may feel that she has lost some of her freedom to act independently in waking life, this can often be caused by her relying on her romantic partner to make her decisions and permit her actions. Being trapped is also a very secure environment and so she may be locking herself away rather than taking the risk of venturing out into the unknown. The message from this dream is she needs to be more decisive and begin taking charge of her own life again.
Continuing on from Being Chased, Failing a Test, Missing a Bus, and Being Trapped, here are the real meanings of four more common relationship dreams.
8. Kissing or sleeping with someone else
What does this mean if you’re in a relationship? Does this mean you want to cheat? What if the person is a celebrity? When you dream of kissing or sleeping with someone else there is some very valuable part of the dreamer’s own character that she has suddenly started to become more aware of. The person who the dreamer is kissing or sleeping with embodies a character trait that the dreamer finds very desirable, though usually not in a romantic way. The message from this dream is that she is beginning to realise that she also has the potential to demonstrate this personal quality and finds this possibility to be very exciting. Dreaming about kissing and sleeping with a celebrity shows that the dreamer is becoming aware of an individual and powerful talent that she possesses and that other people are really beginning to take notice of her unique qualities.
9. Eating in a dream?
How could this be linked to your relationship? Does it indicate that you are satisfied by your partner? Eating in a dream is usually a reflection of the dreamer’s sense of fulfilment in waking life. Food symbolises our ability to fulfil ourselves by satisfying our needs and giving us the energy to explore opportunities and make the most of them. The type of food being eaten in the dream indicates the dreamer’s appetite for romantic fulfilment in waking life. If the food is healthy and nutritious, then she is usually in a healthy relationship, whereas food that always leaves her hungry for more or is unsatisfying suggests that the dreamer is feeling unfulfilled in her relationship.
10. Getting dumped
If you dream your partner ends the relationship or cheats on you, does this indicate you are insecure in your relationship? Dreaming that your partner is ending the relationship or cheating is usually triggered when the dreamer begins to lose faith in her own sexiness and attractiveness in waking life. Although it can be tempting to think that her partner has been spending intimate time with someone far more alluring, this dream often happens when the dreamer is feeling insecure in her own talents, rather than feeling insecure about the relationship or her own physical attractiveness. The message from the dream is that the more she believes in her own attractiveness, the more likely she is to continue to attract committed and enduring love from her partner.